Experiencing infertility and loss has unfortunately thrown me into one of life’s most daunting battles. No one anticipates facing these struggles, so it’s a profound shock when they happen. Infertility and loss flood you with confusion, anger, and heartbreak. My husband and I have experienced multiple losses, each unique and challenging in its own way. Some losses stand out more than others, some have more intense layers of grief, and one was particularly traumatic. Navigating loss alongside infertility compounded our struggle and grief.
The IVF process can be exhausting and involves time, procedures, shots, medications, appointments, and significant financial investment–all before even achieving a pregnancy. To then discover you’ve lost your baby despite all this effort can be crushing. You’re heartbroken over the loss of your child. You’re angry for having to endure such a grueling process. You’re scared to try again, defeated by the lack of success so far, and ashamed that something might be wrong with your body. The whole experience seems unfair and, at times, utterly hopeless. While the world keeps moving at its usual pace, all you want is for everything to stop.
Even after seven years on this journey, I’m still learning so much about grief. I’ve learned grief has no timeline; it ebbs and flows, hitting you when you least expect it. It’s not a linear process, and it’s not something you can navigate alone. I have also learned that shoving grief down or trying to get over it quickly makes the grief more intense. Everyone grieves differently, and that’s okay. Despite the challenges we’ve faced, I’m grateful for the friends I’ve made along this journey and the perspective on life this experience has given me. However, I wouldn’t wish this path on anyone, and I hope no one else has to endure it. While I did not choose this journey, it has led me to co-create our podcast, “Never Alone Infertility,” with my dear friend Morgan Buser. We aim to provide support to other women facing infertility and loss, offering them a sense of community amidst their struggles. While our podcast may not make the journey any easier or less painful, we hope it’s a great source of comfort, knowing you’re never alone.
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