When you’re young, fertility/infertility is not something anyone thinks about or talks about. I believe after what I have been through that should change!

I got married a bit later in life at the age of 37. Most of my friends were already having or had kids. I immediately went to my doctor to get checked out and make sure things were “good”. Everything seemed to be ok, although I was told I was geriatric! Some doctors really need to learn bedside manner when it comes to this stuff! After about six months of naturally trying, I decided to seek out a fertility specialist. They ran a few tests and recommended we try IUI. Unfortunately it didn’t work so my doctor then recommended we do a procedure that would flush out my tubes. And what do you know, I got pregnant! Unfortunately, that pregnancy only got to about nine weeks before I was told I had a 50/50 shot with “this one” (another lovely bedside manner moment). I was devastated and decided to seek a second opinion. The doctor I was referred to was wonderful and ultimately came to the same conclusion. He said this pregnancy was not viable and I should do a D&C.

Fast forward to six weeks later and I found out we were pregnant again! We were over the moon! It was an easy pregnancy and things were going great! My husband and I bought our first home, we decorated baby boy’s nursery and I had my first of three baby showers! Around 30 weeks, I went to the doctor after not feeling him kick. The technician looked at me and said “I’m so sorry I don’t see a heartbeat”. I thought it was a joke and blacked out at that point. Giving birth to my sleeping baby boy and a hospital funeral is something no one should have to go through. I was numb for a while, only being able to see and speak to a select group of family and friends.

We decided to get a puppy to help with the pain and after about six months we decided to try again naturally. When it didn’t work we decided it was best to see a fertility doctor and look into IVF. I went through 3 rounds of IVF with my own eggs. Unfortunately, I only got two good embryos out of those rounds and they didn’t stick. I was so devastated and exhausted emotionally and physically. Through all of this, I had turned 40, then 41 and I was worried it would never happen for us.

My husband and I talked through our options with my doctor. She brought up the option of getting a donor egg which we didn’t think would be possible because it was so expensive. We had already been through so much and spent so much. My friends had other plans. They got together and started a GoFundMe page to help us afford to go through the donor egg process. We were blown away by all the love and support and ultimately raised enough to make it happen!

It was a hard decision for me to give up the idea of the baby not being a “part of me”. I searched and read through all of the donors’ stories but one in particular stood out. When this donor was younger her aunt went through infertility. Not only did she see how hard it was for her aunt but she also saw the toll it took on her own mom not being able to do anything to help. This donor decided that she wanted to help women like her aunt be able to have the family they always dreamed of. After reading why she became a donor I knew in my heart that this donor was the one for us. Not to mention she had blue eyes and if there was anything I would want for my child, it would be to have blue eyes like me.

People keep saying how strong I am and they can’t believe I was able to keep going through all of the disappointments for so many years. My response? I wanted to be a mom and I wasn’t going to give up until I held my blue eyed baby girl in my arms.